At one point or another, you must have heard the saying: “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” If you haven’t, I’m sorry to bring it up and apologize in advance to ruin your perception of it. First off, a history lesson – the saying come’s from Alfred Lord Tennyson’s 1850 poem In Memoriam:
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Despite the misconception that this is a wonderful saying and how it inspires one to love – it could not be more misleading. It baffles me that the idea of love has superseded intelligence, growth and innovation. It is the emotion that is most applauded and lusted after, yet it is the only that often has a direct negative reaction: pain, sadness and depression. Considering the risk involved, it indeed might not be better to have loved and lost than not loved at all.
Here’s how I see it…
Something that is said to complete you, make you happy and essentially help you get better in life is so closely related to the thing that holds you back, throws you in a endless pit and might lead to the darkest thoughts – it is a difficult choice to make. If you haven’t yet had the experience to feel love, then who is to say that your life isn’t better off?
It can easily be compared to money. Now would it make sense to say: it would be better to have money and lost it all, than have no money at all.
Personally, I do not agree with it as it mocks all those who haven’t loved or lost. It is perfectly acceptable not to have loved at all and be happy, than have loved/lost to be miserable. As individuals, we are capable of love but we are also capable of being by ourselves to achieve whatever it is to be happy. The point is not to consciously avoid love, but it to make an effort to be happy in whatever state you are!